Hannah's Birth Story: A Memoir

From the very beginning, Hannah has been my surprise baby. I was surprised to find out she was growing inside me. I was surprised a few months later when I found out she was not a boy. And we were most recently surprised by her delivery which took place, not in the hospital, but in the front seat of my car. I could have never imagined her story, but I am loving getting to experience it.

My pregnancy with Hannah was very typical, but I had a harder time than with Avery. First of all, caring for a one year old while being pregnant is very tiring. There are no naps when you are taking care of a one year old. Add onto that a full time job, and we move to the extremely tired category. Besides being extremely tired physically, I was exhausted emotionally. I was buried under doubt because of my sudden job change, and guilt from being frustrated with Avery (he still wasn't sleeping much at night and we had tried everything).

   So now, on top of being very physically tired, my mind is in disarray, and I am surprised to find out I am pregnant! I kinda just went numb at first. And I was disappointed in myself for that. So just throw some self loathing on the top of that heap I was under. Whew!

   Anyway, at some point, I finally heard all the good that was being spoken to me through my husband, and family, and that small, still voice of God telling me that my loss of control was not a bad thing. I finally started feeling ok again and finally felt excited about this sweet girl I was carrying! And even though I wish I could say I was immediately so happy and excited and joyful, I think a lot of women can relate to having feelings of fear and doubt in their pregnancies. I am not alone.

So, let’s speed up to the exciting part! It’s July. It’s hot (and you need a pool). Like, for real, the hottest summer of my life. Everyday Avery and I basically get up, go to the pool, and then go back inside. There is no reason to be outside unless you are getting in water. Despite the heat, Hannah and I were doing wonderfully well! My blood pressure was perfect, my weight gain was on track, and the midwives were very pleased. (In case you don’t know, I use the Vanderbilt Nurse Midwives for my OB/GYN. They are a group of nurses who got their Master’s Degrees in Midwifery. I see them in an office with medical equipment; not in the backwoods somewhere like some people have asked me… and they deliver babies at Vanderbilt Hospital. They are a lot like seeing a typical OB practice, but their focus is a bit different.)

    I went to see the midwives on my due date and I saw Annie. She told me I was doing great! They typically do not check to see how dilated you are unless you ask them, and before that I hadn’t asked. I don’t think its very helpful to know you are at 2 cm when you could stay that way for weeks. But since it was my due date, and since inquiring minds really wanted to know, I asked her to check me. I was 2 cm. As suspected. So, this was nothing to get excited about. Our plan was for me to come back in one week for a post dates ultrasound, and then we would talk from there.

   One week later (Monday, July 25)- after everyone and their brother told me to just go ahead and be induced…. eye roll.. I woke up around 5:30am having contractions. I told David, and he decided to work from home. It was a very lovely (hot) day, and I enjoyed spending it with Avery. We cuddled on the couch and watched TV, took some funny snap chats, and went on a walk. All the while, I was having contractions. At this stage, it was NOTHING like the movies. There was no huffing or puffing. I was not in pain. It felt like a cramp, and they lasted around 30-45 seconds. There was no real pattern of how close together they were. They sped up when we went on our walk, and slowed down when I rested. I used a contraction timer on my phone so I could keep up with them, and find a pattern if one emerged.

   I called my chiropractor’s office and asked if they could squeeze me in for a quick adjustment, and they could. I went to the chiropractor because my hip had been getting really out of alignment while I was pregnant, and I could tell it was out. The more aligned my hips were, the straighter the path for Hannah to be born. So I wanted to make that happen if at all possible! I had pushed for three hours with Avery, and did not want that to happen again. I’ve gone to Laser Therapy and Chiropractic for years now, so all the girls were expecting me to pop at any time! I was excited to tell them I was having contractions. I saw Dr. Thea, and she quickly popped my hip into alignment. Ahhh! I love that feeling!

   My parents came over to play with Avery while I went to the office. I had told my mom I was having contractions and she seemed… upset… while she was at the house. I think she was just concerned. And trying her best not to tell me what to do… Although she did tell me she would just go ahead and have lunch in Nashville… Love you, Mom!

  .      So before this, I had asked the midwives when I should come to the hospital. The BIG question. I was especially concerned since we live in Murfreesboro, and Vanderbilt is about 40 minutes away with light traffic. I got a few different answers. The standard answer is to come in with contractions that last 1 minute and are 5 minutes apart for 1 hour. However, we discussed some other things like if my water broke, thinfgs would most likely move really quickly since Hannah is my second baby. Mostly, everyone told me to listen to my body and come in when I felt like I needed to. I also got advised to come to Nashville as early as I wanted to and hang out until I was ready to get checked into the hospital. All good advice.

Our plan for the day was to have Lindsay and Leif watch Avery while we were at the ultrasound appointment, since we were hoping we would get sent to the hospital from there and have Hannah that night. Our appointment was at 3:00 so around lunch time, we met up with our friends Andi, Evvy, and Vance for lunch at Blue Coast Burrito. I was still having contractions. Andi, who is an amazing nurse, told me she thought I was handling them well. I don’t think she could really tell when I was having them, except I would mess with my phone to turn on the timer. While we were eating, Lindsay, Leif, and Jovi walked in! It was so funny to see them there. I asked if they were here to get Avery early since I was having contractions. So we all ate and had a good time. Except Avery, who didn’t like anything but the chips…

Then we went home and I got Avery down for a nap while David worked. I called the midwives and told them about my contractions. They told me to keep the ultrasound appointment, and then come to their office like we had planned. They also told me to have a nice relaxing bath (ew.), so I asked if I could do a shower instead. They said that was fine. So I told David he needed to start getting all our stuff ready in the car, and hopped into the shower. I stopped timing contractions while I was in the shower, obviously, but they were still coming pretty regularly. I wasn’t in pain yet. Still uncomfortable, but not bad.

In the shower I was thinking about taking Avery to leave him with Lindsay and Leif and got very emotional. I have such a deep connection with Avery. I was home with him for eight months, and I nursed him for 17 months! He has been my little sidekick since he was born, and I had a really hard time thinking that this was the last time I would have him as my only child. A few months before, I had seen a post on facebook of a very pregnant woman in a hospital gown, on a hospital bed, embracing her toddler son. The caption said something about a mother’s goodbye to her only child before the birth of her second. It tore me apart! I cried and cried. I didn’t even click on the article, but that image had stayed with me, and I kept thinking about it. I didn’t want to say goodbye to my baby. We had gotten to such a wonderful place in our parenting relationship! He was old enough to do so much independently, and he was FINALLY sleeping! The week before Hannah was born was the first week Avery slept through the night every night! What a gift!!

    So I got out of the shower all teary. David was packing stuff up. I motioned for him stop packing and to come hug me. I told him I wasn’t ready to leave Avery. I also told him I didn’t want to have another baby, I just wanted to keep Avery… So he patted me like you do when someone is being ridiculous and told me it would all be ok. But he understood my feelings about Avery, and I could tell he was moved by it, too. It’s a hard thing to do, to know everything is about to change.

    I got ready and went to get Avery up from his nap. He was very cuddly, and I just sat with him and cuddled for a while. I cried a little more, but I reminded myself that he wasn’t leaving. I wasn’t trading Hannah for Avery. He would still, always, be my baby. Then I got him ready to go, and we drove to Lindsay’s. David unloaded the car and set up the pack-n-play for Avery to sleep in. By this time we were running a little late. I was glad I had been emotional at our house and gotten it out of my system, because there was no time for a long goodbye.

    We drove up to West End to the Women’s Imaging Center. I had called to tell them we were running late, but they were, too. We waited a bit, and went in to see Hannah! I was still having contractions, and they were more uncomfortable. But I could still talk through them. At this point I didn’t want to talk through them, I just wanted to breathe and focus. While we were having the ultrasound, I had 3 or 4 contractions. I was able to talk through them, but I didn’t really like laying down during them.

This time we got to see a 3D image of Hannah’s face! They had tried before, but it hadn’t been very clear. This time I could see a very chubby cheek! I was so excited! Avery has no chub on him ever, so I was thrilled to have some chubby cheeks to kiss. The ultrasound also checked for her muscle movement, breathing, and amniotic fluid level. All great! My fluid level had been low with Avery, and now it was in the low-normal range. But not low enough to cause any worry. We went to the midwives’ office next. It is also on West End. My blood pressure was still very good, I had wondered if it would go up during labor.

A midwife named Linda (who I came to love during Avery’s birth) checked me. I told her I had been having contractions and was hoping today was the day. We talked about stripping my membranes. This is a procedure that can help move labor along. Here are the gory details: the midwife uses their finger to separate your amniotic sac from the uterus wall. That release hormones that can induce labor. It is a painful procedure, but its also very quick. I had been contemplating having my membranes stripped on my due date, but decided against it. The procedure can sometimes cause cramping and that can make women uncomfortable and tired. So I didn’t want to do it earlier than necessary. I had been thinking of it again, and thought it would be fine to do today, since I was sure this was real labor.

When Linda checked me she laughed and told me to let her strip them! I laughed, too. She is the happiest midwife ever! I told her I wanted to know how far along I was first! She told me I was at a 5. Maybe a four, but close to 5. So I told her to go ahead. I needed to hold David’s hand though! It was painful- like a really bad cramp- stronger than I had been feeling, and lots of pressure. But it didn’t last long. Linda told me I had a contraction while she was doing it, so that made it hurt worse. She told me that should get things going! The plan was to go walk around until the contractions were at the magic 1-5-1 (one minute long, every five minutes, for an hour), and then to call and tell the hospital I was coming. Linda would call the midwife on call to give her a heads up to expect me. I asked her who the midwife was, and she told me Annie was coming on at the night shift. I was very happy, because I love Annie! She was my primary midwife with Avery, and we have a good rapport

So David and I headed over to the park. We walked around Centennial Park and took my picture at the Parthenon. We walked over to the lake, but then I wanted to sit down. It was hot, and the contractions were coming every 2 to 4 minutes. We sat under a low tree, and it was like we were hidden. So we spied on people taking wedding pictures and chasing Pokemon. I posted a picture of us on Instagram and used the hashtag #iminlabor. I also said labor was nothing like the movies, a statement I would later retract! But at this point, I was still able to do everything and talk through contractions, but they were getting stronger. When one would come I was holding David’s hand. I was getting more uncomfortable, and sometimes contractions were coming only 2 minutes apart, so I felt like Hannah was really on the way. They had been that way for 45 minutes, so we decided to leave the park.
I wanted to eat, and we went to McDonald’s. It was convenient, ok? I have no regrets. While we sat in the car eating, my contractions slowed down to about 8 minutes apart. We drove to the hospital and called them from the parking garage, on 21st Avenue. If you aren’t familiar with Nashville, the hospital is on 21st Ave, about 6 minutes from West End Ave. We told the hospital the contractions had been close for an hour, so we were ready to check in. Our parents were coming up to meet us there, too.

At the hospital, I got into a gown and got hooked up to the fetal heart monitor. We came in right at the shift change, so the nurse who checked me in left right after that. I’m sad to say I can’t remember her name- but it was an nature name…(was it Rabbit?) Hannah was monitored for 20 minutes, and she did great! Her heart was going up when I had a contraction, which is what they want to see. After 20 minutes of monitoring, they unhooked me, and it was time to meet with Annie. She came in with a student midwife who checked me and told me I was still at 5 cm. We talked a lot about my contractions; the timing and strength. Still no constant pattern with the timing, but they were getting stronger. Now I needed to hold David’s hand really hard and really breathe. I was doing a kind of open throat exhale, hum kinda thing that was really helpful. But as soon as it was over, I was completely fine until the next one. They had really slowed down since I had been sitting so much. Annie suggested I walk the halls for an hour, and we would talk then. I think it was 7:00, so we would talk again at 8:00.

In my birth plan I had asked to not have an IV unless medically necessary. I didn’t even want a Hep-lock, which is where they put the IV needle in, without attaching it to any drugs or anything, just in case they need it. I had asked not to have those things for two reasons. One, I don’t love needles. Two, I wanted to labor naturally. Have something irritating in my arm would just annoy me, and I was trying to have everything as relaxed as possible. It is also a lot easier to introduce an intervention (like drugs) when you a have a needle prepped and ready to go in your arm. Without it you have time to talk and make decisions with a little more patience. I know some of my nurse friends don’t love that choice, but I was happy with it. And the midwives were OK with it, too. If any reason arose where I needed an IV, I would agree to it. But at this point, I wasn’t showing any problems. I had tried my best to stay hydrated that whole day because I knew that might be a reason I would need an IV. And I am a bad, slow drinker. But I had already gotten some ice water at the hospital and I was also drinking Gatorade.

So at this point, I had no encumbrances and could walk as I pleased. I doubled up on the hospital gowns (one on frontward and one backward) and walked the halls with my mom. My parents and David’s were there in the waiting room, getting comfy. David sat and chatted with them while we walked. I wasn’t timing contractions at this point, because I didn’t want to carry my phone around. So Mom and I walked and talked and I think I held onto her arm a few times through contractions. They were still strong, but I wasn’t positive they were closer together (I suspected they were) or longer (I suspected they weren’t). The words they want to hear during labor are “longer, stronger, and closer together”.

I didn’t tell Annie this, but I was having what I termed “aftershock” contractions. Sometimes after I had one strong one, I would have a super short one almost immediately after it. I hadn’t really heard of that before, and I thought it might even be one long one and not two. I wasn’t really sure, but I had not been timing those. I don’t know now if I should have mentioned it, I just remember that happening.

An hour passed quickly, and we went back to the room. Annie came in and I told her how I was feeling. She told me she had been watching me go through a few contractions while I walked, and she did not think I had progressed much. She was certain I wasn’t to a seven yet without checking me. She asked if I wanted to keep walking or rest. I told her resting sounded pretty good. I had been doing this since 5:30 am. She told me we could do some medicated rest. I would get a shot of Morphine and Phenergan and that would help me sleep. Then when the “real” labor got going, I would wake up and we would come back. Wait- come back?! Yes. She wanted me to go home to really rest. I told her we lived in Murfreesboro, and I didn’t think we needed to go home, so she suggested a hotel. She wanted me to be able to relax and really sleep for a while.

So David and I talked. My Dad was willing to give us hotel points to stay somewhere if we needed to. I felt bad doing that, though. I was conflicted, and said maybe we should just go home. But David said no, that wasn’t an option. I told him I needed him to make the call. My friend Jill, who is a wonderful doula in NYC, told me that I needed to remind David that he would be in charge of everything while I was in labor, so I could be free to just labor. I needed him to do that now. So he talked to Dad, who found us a hotel back on West End (6 minutes away, remember?). When the nurse (whose name I also do not remember…) came in with the Morphine, I had to tell her I didn’t want it. I just didn’t feel good about it. Its a heavy drug, and I really don’t like taking heavy stuff. I was worried that it would make me feel out of control. My sister is also allergic to it, so I was a little wary from that. I apologized to her for making her order it, but I just couldn’t take it. She told me I wouldn’t be able to actually sleep without it, but I was sure. I am really good at sleeping! She gave me a shot of Phenergan and told me to take some Benydryl when I got to the hotel.

I changed clothes and we packed up our stuff. I felt a bit upset. Not really that I was being sent home, but that someone was having to pay for it. At this point, I did not remember that Annie had asked me if I wanted to keep walking or rest. If I had, I would have chosen walk! We walked out with David’s parents. My parents were going to the hotel with us to check us in, since it was in Dad’s name. We couldn’t go to the car the way we were used to because it was around 9:00 and it was after hours. Certain doors and elevators were locked, so we had to walk a much longer way than I thought we should. I was pretty inwardly focused at this point. Contractions were still strong, and getting stronger. Just not much closer together or longer. I needed to grab David and breathe every time. I was a bit irritated that we had to walk so far and I didn’t understand why we had to go that way. When we got to the car, we had a hard time finding the hotel because we couldn’t see the sign! I called my dad, and was probably rude, while we stopped at a gas station to get my Benydryl.

We finally found the hotel! Dad checked us in and got our room upgraded to a suite (people listen when you tell them your daughter is at the hotel to labor!) and got our car valet parked really near the entrance. We rode the elevator up and the room had a kitchen/living room area and a separate bedroom. I took my contacts out and laid down. Dad, Mom, and David brought in our bags and got everything settled. Mom had given me some snacks, and I might have eaten something. A few minutes later, they were heading out the door to go back to the hospital. I yelled at them, “Don’t leave!” I told them they needed to stay since they paid for the hotel. They could stay in the living room area and not bother me. Mom asked if I was really sure, and I was. I just felt awful that they were paying with their points, and I wanted them to get use out of the room. I felt really happy and like a weight was lifted when they agreed to stay. So I laid back down and tried to rest.

I was dozing between contractions for a while, but then they got stronger and I just could not lay there anymore. I also had to pee after EVERY contraction. It was so annoying! I was not getting any rest because I had to pee so much! I told David I couldn’t lay down during contractions anymore. I didn’t know what to do and I was frustrated. I was supposed to rest, but I needed to be up!  I remember going into the bathroom after one contraction and thinking “I am frustrated. Am I in transition? No. I am just frustrated because labor is hard. I’m not in transition.” But I was totally in transition. Transition is the term for the last part of labor, 7cm to 10cm. It’s when your body really starts to take over, and women tend to go deep into themselves. It’s hard to think, and you can get very agitated. Its the part where people get yelled at and punched in the movies.

While I was washing my hands, I had a really long contraction, about 2 and a half minutes long. It was very different from my 45 sec contractions. Then I had another one kind of roll in right after that one stopped. I only know how long it was because David and I had decided to time contractions, and then head back to the hospital. But there was still no consistency. They were close together, but not really in a pattern. We weren’t sure if we should go back yet, so we decided to time them for another 10-15 minutes.

David knew I was upset about getting up and down, so he put a chair next to the bed so I could sit and rest, then stand up when I needed to. When a contraction came, I would squeeze his hand and press it into the bed really hard. Then I would sway or bounce on the balls of my feet and do the open throat hum/groan thing. The chair really helped, except I was cold! So David got the blanket off the bed to drape around my shoulders. There! Perfect! I was very grateful for his help. He did it all without asking me anything. He just did it. That was what we learned way back in our Roots birth class before Avery was born- just try to be helpful, and if she doesn’t want it, don’t get offended!

So now I had the perfect set up. I was comfy and warm. A contraction came and I stood up… and my water broke. I had my head down on the bed and David says I said, very monotone, like a zombie, “I think my water just broke.” He grabbed me a towel and said we were going back to the hospital. I agreed! He opened the door and told my parents, who sprung into action! I was waddling out with the towel between my legs, but I couldn’t leave the hotel room with that towel. It was a Marriott towel, and they would have charged my dad! Can you tell I was a bit obsessed with the whole money issue? So I told mom I couldn’t leave with the Marriott towel and she found the one I had packed. Then we got on the elevator. I think I had a contraction waiting for the elevator, on the elevator, getting off the elevator, and walking out of the lobby. They were kind of rolling together again. During one of them I had to stop walking and I told them I couldn’t move. I noticed people walking around going to and from the pool and wondered what they must think of us! We yelled to the receptionist that we were going to the hospital, and I think I smiled and waved goodbye to her. I still felt ok between contractions.

David was on the phone with the hospital on call service. They told us to call when we were on our way back so they could get a room ready. I remembered Annie said we could just say we were coming back, and that is all they needed to know. The on call service was trying to follow protocol and ask my date of birth, etc. Poor David! He told them they just needed to tell Annie that Lauren’s water broke and they were coming back and he hung up. He was not happy about that call! I’m sure the on call receptionist wasn’t either…

My car was right out front and I remember standing by the door and seeing David run away. I was not really aware of much, because I was really focused on the contractions. They were really painful at this point. So, needless to say, I was very confused when I saw him run away. I asked my mom if he forgot the keys. She told me he valet parked. Well, I had my keys in my purse so she got them and ran to get David while I got into the car. As I sat there by myself, I had another contraction and had the urge to push. Hmmmm. Not good. But how long does that last? 30 minutes? I had no idea…I didn’t say anything to David about it until he was driving and it happened again with the next contraction.

Now I had been very quiet up until this point. I had kind of hummed/moaned during contractions, but there was no crazy huffing and puffing like in the movies. That was about to change. From here on out, read everything in a panicked yell. Imagine lots of gasping and grunting. It was around 11:05 pm when we left and there were no cars on the road at all. What a blessing! As we sat at a red light, I remember saying, “I’m scared! I am really scared! I’m really scared because I keep feeling like I have to push, and I don’t want to push because I don’t want to have a baby in the car and I am sorry I am screaming because I know I am scaring you but I can’t help it!” So now with every contraction I am panting and screaming, and I really was not meaning to. Its just what happened. David was upset because I was terrifying him because I was hysterical. I don’t remember if he told me to try not to push or not. I remember thinking I would not be able to get onto a wheelchair when we got to the hospital. Then I got very concerned about what would happen if she came out and I didn’t know it and I still had my pants on. What would happen to her?? I wanted to stop and find out what was going on, but I also didn’t want to stop. I wanted to get to the hospital.

At the next contraction, my mind told me “ring of fire”. This is a term a lot of people use to describe the feeling moms have when the baby’s head is crowning. I was not sure what I was feeling at that point. Everything was just a blur! I just knew I had to scream and that I was not in control. There was no breathing through it or trying to be zen, it was just happening! I couldn’t think much, but my brain said “ring of fire” and I decided I needed to find out what was happening. I told David to pull over, and he did, at the corner of 21st and Scarritt Place. This was a place I knew well from my days at Vanderbilt. We were probably .4 miles from the emergency room door, and I could probably see the ER sign! But that didn’t matter. I HAD to know what was going on.

So David stops the car and I say, “I’m sorry, but I have to take off my pants.” I felt so stupid. Of course she wasn’t coming out, I was in the car! This was dumb, and I was going to be very embarrassed… Turns out, no, taking off the pants was a good call. I reached down and felt a very soft baby head sticking out! I told David, “I can feel the head! She’s going to come now!” At some point he had gotten out of the car and came around to my side. He was on the phone. I asked who he was calling, I wasn’t sure if it was the hospital or 911. He had called 911, because he is a genius! Now it is all happening EXACTLY like in the movies! The woman screaming, the man crying/screaming at the dispatcher to “Send someone to help us RIGHT NOW!!!”, the dispatcher yelling instructions because we are all just yelling.

An SUV pulled up in front of us, and David thought they were going to help us. A girl got out and kind of started our way toward the Brugger’s Bagels, then went and got back into her car. Not sure if she left because of the bagel shop being closed, or the hysterical screaming from our car… We will never know…

So David had the dispatcher on speaker phone, and he would tell me whatever she said to do. He told me to lay back, and I couldn’t figure out how to get the seat back. I didn’t even try. I knew I couldn’t think. But I was wondering how I would make room for her to come out. I was just sitting in the front seat, there wasn’t any room for her. Then the dispatcher told David to tell me to push hard. At this point, I was thinking we weren’t ready for her to be born. So I was surprised when he told me to push, but I did. Somehow I figured out how to make room for her. I wrapped my hand around the outside roof of the car, and pulled myself up so I was semi-standing and pushed! I remembered reading and watching Call the Midwife, and they always tell the mothers to “pant like crazy” when its time to push. So I did. I panted like crazy! (I have always joked with people that I could totally deliver a baby because I’ve watched that show so much. Well now I know I could! I totally could! I should write their medical advisor a congratulatory letter.They are doing a great job!)

One push and Hannah’s head was born, and then with one more push, she had arrived! There was a blanket under me, one our friend Debbie made for Avery, and I thought she just kinda landed on the blanket. It was dark and I couldn’t see. David told me later that he had caught her and then handed her to me. I thought I had picked her up off the blanket, so I’m glad to know that wasn’t what really happened! And David delivered her! He caught his own baby! What an amazing thing to be able to say!

It was dark, and when I picked Hannah up, she looked kind of gray to me. I am not sure she really was, because I couldn’t see well. I wanted to hear that really good cry that babies do to know she was breathing ok, but I didn’t hear it. I started patting her to try to get her to cry. We didn’t have anything to suction her mouth and nose with, so I just tried patting her. I could hear her kind of grunting and snorting, so I knew she was breathing, but I wanted to hear that good cry! While I was doing this I heard a voice saying over and over “Wrap the baby in a towel or blanket. Wrap the baby in a towel or blanket.” It was the dispatcher. We were so distracted, I bet she said it fifteen times before we realized, “Oh, we should wrap her in a towel or blanket!” So we wrapped her in the non-Marriott towel and I held her and talked to her, trying to make sure she was still breathing the whole time.

The dispatched told David he needed to tie the cord. When he asked her what to use, she told him to use his shoelace. So off comes David’s shoelace. She told him to tie it about six inches from the baby, so I held her up and we estimated where that would be. She told him to tie it around tightly. He asked how tight? At this point I got a little irritated and said, “Just tie it tight!” I think I was irritated because in our birth plan, we had wanted delayed cord clamping. It can help all the blood and oxygen from the placenta get to the baby if you wait a few minutes. I thought about telling the dispatcher that I didn’t want David to tie the cord because of the birth plan. But then I thought to myself, “Self- you just had a baby in the front seat of your car. Whatever you do, do NOT bring up your birth plan. Now is not the time to bring up your birth plan…”

Around this time, a firetruck and ambulance showed up. The EMT’s asked me if I could get onto the stretcher, but with cord still attached, I wasn’t sure how to make that maneuver. They cut the cord and one of the EMT’s took Hannah to the ambulance to suction her out. Then they told us they usually call the time of birth five minutes before they cut the cord. It was 11:17, so we called the time of birth 11:12. Then they started to get me onto the stretcher, but there was a guy standing on the corner who wouldn’t go away. I think he was waiting for the light to turn so he could cross. The EMT in charge yelled to him, “Sir, we need you to move along. I’m trying to get her on the stretcher, and she doesn’t have many clothes on!” Why he felt the need to share this information, I will never know. It sure didn’t make the guy move any faster. I told him it was fine, and we got me onto the stretcher. I had never been on one before! I got into the ambulance and they handed Hannah to me. They told me she had given a really good cry when they suctioned her out, and I felt better. She wasn’t gray (if she ever had been to begin with), but she wasn’t all pink yet. I think the EMT told the hospital on the radio she was still a little “blue”. But they did not seem concerned for her, so I wasn’t either.

We drove the .4 miles over to the ER and the EMT asked me all sorts of questions about my health and then my address. He spent a lot of time trying to figure out what part of Murfreesboro I lived in, which was weird. Then we were at the ER door. When they opened the doors, I could see Mom, Dad, and David. I gave them a big smile and thumbs up! As soon as Hannah had been born, I had felt very good. I was probably high as a kite on adrenaline! I was a bit nervous when she wouldn’t cry, but other than that I was feeling really happy and calm. I didn’t feel any pain.

They got me out of the ambulance, and I probably said something to Mom and Dad, I don’t remember. But dad took my picture as they rolled me past. Then I started feeling discomfort. I hadn’t delivered the placenta yet, and I felt pressure and some pain from that. I told the EMT’s that I felt like I needed to raise up or lean back or something so it could come out, but they told me we were about to roll through a crowded ER and I might want to stay covered up. It was ok, but I felt uncomfortable. So we rolled in, and the front desk told them to take me straight up to labor and delivery, that they were expecting us. I guess someone understood David’s phone call even without giving all the proper information. As they rolled me along, the medical staff was all waving and telling me “Congratulations!” I’m pretty sure I smiled and waved back. It was like being in a parade!

Then I heard “Wait for us!” behind me. It was the L&D nurses. They asked if I was Annie’s patient who left and I told them I was. They said she thought it might be me! They asked me and the EMT some questions as we went into the room right next to where I had been admitted (and discharged) a few hours ago. In the L&D room Mom was there. I think she followed me on the stretcher maybe. But David wasn’t there. I asked someone to go find him. They introduced me to a new midwife who would be taking care of me, and asked more questions.

It’s all a little blurry but here are the things I remember that happened, but I am not sure of the order. Mom took some pictures of me, David, and Hannah. A nursery nurse took Hannah to the bassinet to check on her. The nurses laughed because the EMT’s cut the cord so long. The placenta was delivered and the student midwife before asked if I wanted to see it. I did, but I never got to because when she was about to show it to me they started giving me shots to numb me up before they did stitches. I had to hold her hand cause I was scared! They kept telling me I had already done the hard part, shots and stitches were nothing! I beg to differ. Fear has much more to do with pain than the actual pain. Annie came in and kissed me on the forehead and told me I had done so well and then was gone. The nurse got me up and took me to the bathroom, and I really wanted to go, but I couldn’t. They gave me a snack, but I don’t remember what it was.They tried to give me some medicine and scanned my bracelet, but it didn’t work because I still had the bracelet from our first visit when I was discharged on my arm, and they hadn’t gotten around to giving me a new one yet! I tried to nurse Hannah and she immediately latched right on! I was able to nurse her for around 15 minutes, which is so good for a newborn.  And the hand sanitizer bottle on the bassinet had gotten pressed up against the wall or something and had squirted a big foamy mess on the side of the bassinet and the nurses were laughing and cleaning it up.  

I asked David if he had told his parents. I wish I could’ve heard his mom’s reaction. She and Lindsay had talked for weeks about how there was no way David could handle delivering a baby on the side of the road. Well, it seems that he can handle it just fine, thank you very much! I asked David if she screamed and he said he didn’t know. Poor guy was still shaking! He says it took him about 5 hours to stop shaking. He had been terrified (and rightfully so with all the screaming I was doing- sorry again, baby!) but he had still done everything right! I am so proud of his courage!

We got into the postpartum room and my parents came in to talk to us and see Hannah. It was probably 2 am I think by then David had told them what happened, but if not, I probably filled them in on some details. They had not been right behind us in the car because Dad was still getting our stuff together. We also took different routes. David couldn’t remember how to get back to the hospital, so who knows which way we came! He said God must have directed his turns because he had no idea what he was doing. I remember there being pretty much all green lights and no traffic! A miracle, for real! Mom and Dad finally went back to the hotel to sleep. I was really glad they would get more use out of it. David was about to settle down on his cot when I remembered I had packed him a change of clothes. He was really glad because his had blood on them.

I think I finally went to sleep around 3 after feeding Hannah again and getting her to sleep. I sent this message to our small group “For any of you still up: Hannah has arrived! She showed up around 11:12 when we were on our way back to the hospital. That’s right. She was born in the car. This is not a joke!!! David and I delivered her and then the ambulance showed up! Everyone is healthy and finally calming down! It was an exciting night! Love you all!!”

Through sharing this experience, people have asked me a few questions, and I want to answer them here in case you are wondering the same thing.

1. Aren’t you so upset that they told you to go home at the hospital? This is my answer: no. I’m not upset. I was frustrated when it happened because someone had to pay for a hotel room, but not because I was being sent “home”. I do get upset when people ask me this question, because I feel like I have to justify what happened. There are so many factors that went into the medical staff’s decision and my decision, and so many things that could have happened differently. I can’t explain the choices we made to make anyone feel better. I get that people are upset for me, but I am not upset. If I were upset, I would be harboring bitterness and that is not helpful or productive. I don’t feel bitterness or anger or regret, so I am not going to engage in those feelings to defend a decision that was made.

2. What happened to the car?  Our friend Kirby told her son about Hannah’s birth and his response was “Well now they have to get rid of their car!” No, we did not get rid of it. I had decided before labor began that I would drive to the hospital in my car since it has leather seats, and would be easier to clean if needed. And it was definitely needed! As David told me, “You have no idea the mess it made when you got up out of that car!” No, no I don’t. I did not look back! When we were discussing what to do about the car, my Dad called our friend and car expert, Bobby Smithson, who recommended contacting our insurance. Geico said for the cost of our deductible they would set up a meeting with someone who could clean it. So just in case you were wondering, that’s an option! David did a little more digging, and found a company who would come to us, instead of us taking the car to them. In our situation, that was much more convenient! So we had a professional service come to the parking garage and clean it. It was funny when David went to meet them, he said the guy was not in a marked car or anything. He said he could have just been anyone! But he did a great job because when I got to the car, I could not tell anything had ever happened! Score!

3. How will your insurance bill you for this? So far, we have gotten a bill for my care, which was itemized and correct for the services I did receive. It lists all the things they did when I was at the hospital, but does not say “birth”.  We have also gotten a bill for my postpartum room and care, which was not itemized enough for my liking. I have requested a more itemized one. It listed “labor and delivery” and that is the part I want itemized. Because, yes,  I was in a L&D room, but I want to make sure we are only charged for what services we received in the room, and not a blanket L&D cost. But it could be that there is just a standard rate for being in a room, whether or not you actually birthed there. So we will see! I might come back and edit when we get everything finalized. I am imagining it will be the same as everyone else pays, minus the anesthesiologist’s bill. Thus far, Dr. David Person MD has not billed the hospital for his delivery fees.

4. Were you terrified? Umm, not terrified. During labor, your body really takes over and your mind has to take a backseat (haha). I was definitely screaming, but not because I was scared, or even because it hurt so much, but because that was just what I had to do during pushing. I only had two things that did scare me: figuring out how to give Hannah room to come out and her not immediately crying. Everything happened so fast, I didn’t really have time to be very afraid! My water probably broke around 10:45 and we immediately went to the car. The car ride was 6 minutes according to google maps, and we probably only drove for 5 before I told David to pull over. She was born at 11:12, so between my water breaking and her delivery was most likely not even 30 minutes. Not much time to freak out!     I honestly think I experienced less fear by laboring away from the hospital. At the hotel, I didn’t know how far along I was. If I had been in the hospital with people telling me how far along I was, I would have just been anticipating pushing and that pain. I think that would have made me very nervous. So I am actually really happy with how it all turned out! I was able to labor without being afraid. David and I were able to be together during labor and bring our baby into the world together! Not many couples get that chance. I was able to have an intervention free birth, which I what I wanted to experience. I was able to let my body do what it was created to do! Most people I talk to expect me to say it was a horrible experience, but truly, it was like a roller coaster. Scary and awesome, and I would totally do it again! But no one would let me… I JOKINGLY said to David if we had another baby it would be a home birth, because he could totally deliver a baby again! He did not see any humor in that…

So that is the story! I hope I answered all your questions, but if not, let me know and I will! I have really enjoyed thinking back on Hannah’s birth, and how beautiful it all was, and how God took care of us. The word that keeps cropping up is surprise. When I thought about surprise in the Bible, I thought of other babies! Like when Sarah laughed and Mary sang in surprise to find out they were pregnant. I looked up surprise on Bible Gateway, just to see what else would come up, and this is the verse I saw: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

This is from Isaiah, and since I was brought up by John King teaching me not to pull stuff randomly from the Bible, I went back and read more. The passage that verse comes from is not a passage where God is arrogantly telling his people how mighty and all powerful he is. It comes from a passage about how good the Lord is! How he invites those who have nothing to give to take as much as they need, and he promises his love to his people forever.

What a lovely reminder that my plans are not always the plans God has laid out for me. I don’t mean where Hannah was born, but those feelings I had of being out of control during my pregnancy. My feeling out of control was not for my detriment. Like a good parent caring for a baby, God has thoughts that I could never understand that are full of love and care. I hope the next time I am surprised by plans I have not laid out, I will remember my sweet Hannah’s story. I hope I will remember to trust in ways higher than mine.