The story of my son's birth is, I think, a beautiful one. This story can be very long, or very short . if you're someone who likes the short version, here it is: “Avery was born and he was healthy and I was healthy, too.” I, personally, like the long version better. But you know what? That's a beautiful story right there. So even though i am about to share with you a long, detailed, birth story, I want to point out that is not the details or length that make this story beautiful. The beauty lies in the miracle of the story, either way you tell it.
Now, here's the long version.
Avery Arrives: A Birth in Five Acts
Introduction:
I had been researching birth for months before i was pregnant. To me, it is an endlessly fascinating topic. The physical aspect of what goes on in mom and baby's bodies. The emotional aspect of how women see their experience afterward. The spiritual aspect of doing the impossible. All fascinating. I had discovered that i was in favor of giving my body a chance to do what it was created to do, which is give birth naturally.
Here was my plan: Let labor start naturally, stay at home until contractions were 5 minutes apart, go to Vanderbilt to deliver, use as few drugs as possible, breathe the baby out. That is the short version. The long version included a list of what I wanted to do during early labor at home (bake cookies for the nurses), what music I wanted playing during different stages of labor (Circle of Life during delivery, please), how I wanted to labor in the hospital (put me in the tub), and what David was going to do during all of this (“Drink more water, honey!”).
Another part of my plan was the Vanderbilt Nurse Midwives. A lot of friends had questions for me when I told them I was going to see a midwife. “Are you having the baby at home?” “You aren’t going to have any drugs?” “Where do you go for check ups?” “Is a real doctor going to be there if something goes wrong?” The Vanderbilt nurse midwives are amazing and I will happily talk about them all day long and recommend them to everyone! They are a group of nurses who got their Master’s degree in midwifery. When I went for check ups I went to an office that was very much like a typical OB GYN office. The midwives’ believe birth is a natural and positive thing that does not require intervention unless there is a problem. So some women who use their services go completely natural with no drugs, but others do not. The midwives deliver at Vanderbilt, so all drugs/equipment are available to them and their patients. The women they care for are healthy women with typical pregnancies. They do not care for twins, breech presentation, or high risk moms. Most of the women they care for do not need an OB GYN to assist during their birth, but if the need arises, they are available.
I had a wonderful experience working with these women! I loved the way they would give me information and allow me to make choices without any judgement. They were always very positive, helpful, and calm. They were incredibly supportive, and I am extremely grateful that I chose to have them care for us!
Before the birth, we had prayed for a few things: a safe delivery, for David to be able to feel comfortable enough to support me, for Annie or Bethany to be our midwife, for me to labor in a tub at the hospital, and for a joyful birthing experience. Our friends and family had been praying for those things, and as always, God gave us precisely what we needed.
In the wonderful birth class David and I took in preparation for Avery’s arrival we learned that first time mothers who do not induce labor average 41 weeks 3 days before they give birth. This is the equivalent of the baby being “10 days late”. Apparently Avery heard that statistic, and knowing how much his mama loves statistics, facts, and data, decided to stick to the average schedule. He was due November 15, a week and a half later… we were still waiting!
Act 1: A “Routine Check Up”
Avery Person was due November 15, 2014. I never for one minute believed he would be born on that day. I almost believed he would be born on the 13th because 4 of our family members were traveling out of town that day. I knew he was going to be late. I was fine with it. I was blessed with a very healthy and comfortable pregnancy. I loved being pregnant! However, it was November 24th, and I was feeling like I had been pregnant all year long! I was ready for something to happen.
Mostly, I was nervous about Nikki. My sweet sister had taken 2 weeks off from school in Kansas to be here for the birth of her nephew. She was due to return to Kansas on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. Here it was the Monday before Thanksgiving, and Avery was still quite comfortable inside my belly… I didn’t want her to have come for all this time and not even get to see him!
While I was worried that Avery would be so slow to arrive that she would have to go back to Kansas and miss it, I was also very grateful for the time we got to spend together before he was born. Nikki didn’t get to see me for most of the pregnancy, so we tried to cram a lot of “pregnant sister” experiences into the time. There was a lot of feeling my belly, looking at my belly, looking at and re-organizing all Avery’s baby clothes, and me sitting around while Nikki fetched me things. Glorious!
Since I was past my due date the midwife I saw at my last check up, Linda, told me that we would be watching Avery closely. Monday we would do a non stress test, Wednesday have a BPP ultrasound, and on Sunday induce me if he was still not here. My parents were trying to make plans for NIkki to stay a few extra days if Avery was born on Sunday, and I was stressed out about it.
Nikki and I were going to the midwife Monday the 24th for a non-stress test. At this point I was 9 days past due, and the midwives wanted to keep a very close eye on how Avery was progressing. Their idea was as long as he is healthy and growing inside, we will be patient. I completely agreed and did not want to rush. My body would know when it was time. Around 3 am I woke up with contractions that I guessed were about 10 minutes apart. It felt like a cramp. It was uncomfortable and woke me up, but I was able to keep resting. I told David and he decided he would work from home, just in case labor did really start going.
Now- if you aren’t familiar with birth- you might think this is the part when you start huffing and go to the hospital. No. This is “early labor” and it can last for days. In our class we learned that once contractions started to get longer, stronger, and closer together that it would be time to think about the hospital. The magic number we were looking for was 5 minutes apart. So at this point, resting and going about business as usual was the best thing to do.
I got up a few hours later and decided to make some rice krispie treats. I had planned on baking for the nurses during my early labor so that when we got the hospital, I would have something to give them. I was excited that something was actually happening, so it was time to bake! While I was up and about my contractions really slowed down to about one an hour. Good thing we didn’t go to the hospital, right? I was a little discouraged, but I knew patience was the name of this labor game, and I was going to be the best player and just wait it out. So I made the treats and left them to set. I called Nikki and told her she would need to drive to the appointment since I was having contractions. She was bringing me a Chik-fil-a breakfast because Linda, the midwife, told me I needed to eat a good sugary meal before the non-stress test to get Avery moving. On our way to Nashville I ate my chicken and biscuit, but couldn’t drink any sweet tea. I was a bit nauseous, and just didn't think it was a good idea. As I look back, I regret this decision.
At my appointment I had my weight and blood pressure checked as always. Then Annie, my primary midwife came in to check my progress. Up until this appointment, I had not been checked. And none of the midwives had put pressure on me to be checked. I loved this! What good does it do a woman to know she is 2 cm dilated when you could be 2 cm dilated for weeks? At this check up, though, I did want to be checked. When Annie did the check, she told me I was 2cm dilated and 60% effaced. For you non-birth people that means my cervix was open 2 cm and 60% dissolved. Then she hooked up the non stress test, which is just two monitors wrapped around my belly that show baby’s heart rate printed out on a strip of paper. They wanted to monitor for around 20 minutes so they could see him go through a contraction. Ideally baby’s heartbeat will rise during a contraction.
Annie hooked up the machine and Nikki and I waited and listened. Then I heard something I did not like. I heard my baby’s heartbeat get slow. Much slower than I had ever heard it. I sat up and stared at the machine, but nothing happened. A moment later, his heartbeat was back up to normal. Nikki and I chatted for the next 20 minutes and then a nurse came in to look at the strip. She didn’t say anything and left, which struck me as odd. Then Annie came back in and told me that they saw Avery’s heart decelerate during a contraction. I told her I had heard it and asked what we needed to do.
She said that we needed to go to the hospital for more monitoring, and then they would make a decision. She said that they may just do more heart monitoring, or do an ultrasound, or even decide to do an emergency C section. She looked right into my eyes when she was telling me all this. Her face was calm, but serious. Somehow that transferred to me, as well. I felt very calm, but knew that something serious was happening.
I thought about what she was saying and realized that my birth plan had just flown out the window.Then came a jumble of thoughts… Oh my goodness, David! David at home in his pajamas working on his laptop. I have to tell him something is wrong. I hope he won’t freak out. I am going to the hospital. I might have my baby now. Or I might not. They want us to go right now. My sister is the only one here! If we get to the hospital before David does they might make me have a C section before he gets here. I have to stall so that we can be together. What should I tell him to bring? Our bags, of course, but what about my rice krispie treats I made?!
All of these thoughts ran through my mind as I put my clothes back on and left the office. Luckily, Nikki was calm, too. We decided I would call David and then we would drive to the hospital, 2 minutes away. Then we would sit in the parking garage until David was en route. I knew it was important for Avery to be monitored, but I was trying to balance that urgency with letting David get to the hospital! I could not let the baby be born without him there! I called David and told him to bring our bags and come to the hospital. I asked him what we should tell our families. We didn’t want to alarm them, but also didn’t want them to potentially miss the birth. We decided to tell them and let them decide if they wanted to come to the hospital or not. My parents decided they would come immediately (Kathy Johnson finally got to spring into action). David’s parents decided to wait until we knew what was happening (this was a very wise decision).
Act II: The Hospital- Triage
I navigated Nikki to the hospital parking garage and we sat in the car until David called to say he was on the way. Poor thing! He had to get up, get dressed, get our stuff, and call his family to tell them what was happening. But he handled it like a champ! Once I felt confident David would be there in enough time that he wouldn’t miss anything, Nikki and I headed up and I was put in a triage room. Nurse Mickey was there and strapped me on the fetal heart monitor, just like at the midwife's office. She saw Avery’s heart rate was a bit low and asked me if he was asleep. I told her that he sleeps all day, and I usually never feel him really move until the night. She told me that he’d better wake up and get moving (I should have had that Chik-fil-a sweet tea…). She brought me a huge cup of cranberry and grape juice and ice and told me to chug it to get him moving. I obediently chugged. If you know me, you know I am a very slow drinker. But for my baby, I channeled my inner frat boy and gulped it all down.
Nurse Mickey came in again and said it still wasn’t good enough. His heart had gone down during a contraction. She had me flip over on one side, then the other, to help Avery move. Maybe he had rolled onto his umbilical cord and had cut off his oxygen. After a few minutes, Mickey went to get me more juice and David arrived!
The next time Mickey came in, Avery’s heart had dropped and she was not happy! She told me if it happened again I was getting a ticket to the operating room. She made me nervous, but I also felt like she was really paying attention to us and was taking good care of us. She wanted Avery to be safe, and to her the safest thing was to get him out, ASAP. Well, once again Avery’s heart decelerated. Nurse Mickey came in and decided she should start an IV. I was extremely nervous about getting an IV. I had never had one before, and I had hoped to labor without one. Nurse Mickey put the IV into my hand, but missed the vein. She was about to try it again when my midwife, Linda, came into the room. She was not happy that an IV was going into my hand. In her mind, we needed to wait and watch Avery for a bit longer before we made a decision. She told us that he could be just fine, his heartbeat kept coming back strong everytime it would go down. He could be rolling over his cord, which could happen all the time, but it was just now we were seeing it on the monitor. She told the nurse to take the IV out and that we would monitor a while longer and then make a decision together.
I felt like I was rescued! The scary IV was gone, and my anxious feelings were gone. We would be patient. We would make the decision together. I wasn’t going to be rushed to the OR!
We waited until Linda had a good “tape” for Avery- meaning his heart rate had been good enough for a long period of time. She showed it to the doctors on the labor and delivery floor, and they recommended I go ahead and have the ultrasound that I was supposed to have on Wednesday, just to be sure Avery was ok. The ultrasound would be looking for four things: muscle tone, movement, amniotic fluid level, and breathing. I felt fine about having another ultrasound. We would get to see our baby again! I was getting tired of sitting in the hospital, but the waiting had just begun…
Three hours later I was wheeled down for the ultrasound. An attendant came and rolled my bed down through the hospital to radiology. In my hospital gown. Past all sorts of people. One of which, works at my school and asked me if I was having the baby now. I said, “I don’t know!” and hoped she didn’t think I was being rude…
The ultrasound did not make me feel better. It made me feel much worse. This was not a happy “There is your sweet baby’s foot!” kind of ultrasound. It was a “Be quiet because I have to concentrate because I am looking for problems” kind of ultrasound. Again, Avery wouldn’t move. We tried everything to get him awake, but my baby loves to sleep. The tech did not seem happy at the end of our time, and I was feeling terrible. This was all my fault. I hadn’t tried hard enough to wake him up. If only I had eaten something right before we came down, or kept drinking that juice. Then he would have moved around and shown everyone he was fine! But now, because I hadn’t tried hard enough, everyone would think there was something wrong and I would have to make a decision I didn’t want to make. I was so upset. It was the lowest point of his birth for me.
They wheeled me back upstairs (again, all through the hospital in my gown. So embarrassing! I could have gotten dressed and walked!) and Linda wa waiting there for us. She already had the results and she could tell I was upset. “You know what I’m going to say, don’t you?” she asked. “I think so.” I told her. But then, she surprised me. She told me that Avery’s movement was not good, but more than that, my amniotic fluid was low. It was so low, in fact, that they were recommending that I be induced. I was so surprised, and I felt better. It wasn’t my fault! There was an actual problem. Something that wasn’t circumstantial, or that I could have tried harder to change. My amniotic fluid was low, and that made the choice obvious. Avery would be safer and healthier if he were born quickly. I was so relieved! I could agree to the decision with no guilt or questioning. Inducing was definitely the right thing to do.
It was now 5:00 pm (Nikki and I had been there since 10:00am, my parents and David had been there since noon) and we were told to go rest, eat, and get our stuff. They would admit me at 7:00 pm and start the induction. One of the nurses told me to go eat something “really yummy”, so I decided on Mellow Mushroom, which is right across the street from the hospital. David and I decided to go alone, since it would be our last meal together before Avery arrived. We called the Persons and asked them to bring some things we had left at home. During dinner we texted a lot to catch everyone up on the day’s excitement. We didn’t talk much, what do you say when you know your life is going to change forever as soon as you finish your pizza?
Next to us was a sweet family. A couple and their young son. I couldn’t help thinking, “That will be us soon.” Our friend from college, Skylar, was working as the manager and came by our table. We told her this was a very special meal (the last supper) and she congratulated us and gave a coupon for a free pizza. So sweet. The couple next to us overheard, and congratulated us, too. The mom told me that having a son was wonderful. Then they started reminiscing about the time right before their son was born. I was just very overwhelmed, so I ate my pizza in silence. I was also having contractions about every 20 minutes again, and they were stronger. Much to David’s dismay, I ordered a brownie sundae to finish off my meal. He reminded me that I could throw up in labor, and I told him I really didn’t care at this point. I wanted pizza and a brownie! But I did try not to eat too much…
Act III: Labor and Delivery
At 7:00 we were back at the hospital checking in. My parents were there with us in the waiting room, and David’s parents were on their way. We went back into our room and met our nurse, Rachel. She was very laid back and calm. She also kept dropping things, which made me feel like she was a real person, and made me feel much better. One of the first things she did was put in my IV. My hope of laboring without one was gone since I was being induced. I was nervous, but David was right there. After she got it in, it was not as bad as I thought. She also put it up higher on my forearm, and that made me feel better, too. It wouldn’t be in the way so much there. That’s what I was afraid of with the IV. That every time I moved, it would bother me. We took a picture of the IV and sent it to Andi, who had been very upset at the thought of me not having an IV during labor. Now she would know I was being compliant.
The midwife on call was the only one I had not yet met, Lori. She was very nice and I was instantly comfortable with her. She checked my progress and said I was at 4 cm and 70% effaced. Because my cervix was 70% dissolved already, they decided not to give me drugs to soften it. But we did go ahead and start pitocin. Pitocin is the synthetic form of your body’s natural chemical, oxytocin. Oxytocin is called the “love” hormone, it makes you feel attached to people and helps you bond. It also starts labor. Pitocin makes your body go into labor and helps contractions come more quickly. It can also make contractions much stronger than your body would naturally. Knowing this, I knew that I could quickly be having very strong (and painful) contractions. I was nervous about the pitocin starting. I wondered how long it would take and what it would feel like.
It was around 9:30 when they started the pitocin. I think our families came in then and gave us hugs and talked to us for a bit. Then we were told to try to rest, so David and I watched a documentary about Wayne White. He is an artist who worked on Pee Wee’s Playhouse, and he was a graduate of MTSU. We had seen him talk there, so the documentary was interesting. I was a bit distracted, though, because I was having some strong contractions. Every two minutes. I remembered Lori had said something about talking when my contractions were 2 minutes apart because it might be time to push. So i nervously told nurse Rachel about my contractions. She looked at my monitor and went to talk to Lori. They came in together and told me they weren't picking up any contractions with the monitor. Umm.. Excuse me, but i was having contractions!
Lori said she wanted to put in an internal uterine catheter to monitor the contractions better. From the inside. That was not something I had expected. But I agreed because I needed her to be able to see that I was having strong contractions close together. Avery’s heart had also had a deceleration, and the monitor would help them understand if his decels were connected to my contractions. Lori put in the catheter, and while it didn’t hurt, it certainly wasn’t comfortable. Soon after she confirmed that I was, indeed, having strong contractions every two minutes! Told ya!!
We decided that we would continue the pitocin for a bit longer because I was not yet dilated all the way to 10. She asked me about my pain. Initially, I had wanted to labor without drugs if I could. Then I wanted to try the “laughing gas” nitrous oxide that Vanderbilt offers if I needed something. However, being induced had changed everything. I knew pitocin could make my contractions stronger than my body would naturally, so I had decided beforehand that if I got induced, I would have an epidural. I told Lori that I thought I could continue with this amount of pain for another hour or two. Then she told me it would likely be 6 or 8 hours! “Bring me the drugs!” I replied.
We were told the epidural team could take up to an hour to get into our room, and then it could take even longer for the procedure to take place and the drugs to take effect. So our nurse went ahead and immediately paged the anesthesiologists. She recommended I go to the bathroom one more time since getting an epidural also meant getting a catheter and not being able to get up anymore. So now our prayer changed from “Let me be able to handle labor” to “let the drugs work without side effects!” As soon as I was done in the bathroom, the anesthesiologists showed up! No waiting at all!
I was very nervous to get the epidural, mostly because they have to tell you all the possible terrible things that could happen right before you agree to the procedure. There was a team of 4 people. One guy stayed at the computer the whole time. The other three were behind me working on my epidural. They raised my bed up and had me sit up and dangle my legs over the side. They told David to sit in a chair right in front of me, and I put my feet on his legs. They gave me a pillow to hold and told me to be still and stare at David. They told me I would feel a “bee sting” and after that all I felt was pressure. A moment later I felt what they called a “zinger” down my arm. Kind of like when you bang your elbow on something and get that funny bone feeling. I only felt the “zinger” on my right side, so I worried that it was only working on one side. The team adjusted it some more, and then it was done! So much simpler than I had anticipated! In about 15 minutes, I had no feeling in my legs at all! No pain, nothing. It was pretty amazing! I may have said “Drugs are awesome!” several times… to anyone who would listen...
It was around 11:30 at this point, and the plan was for David and I to sleep while I was so comfortable. Our families came in to tell us goodnight. I felt bad that they were going to spend the night in the waiting room! But I knew they wouldn’t go home. I told them to, though. David’s aunt Pam had come to see us, and she did finally go home to sleep. Smart lady. At midnight the nurse asked if I wanted anything to help me sleep. If you know me, you know I do not ever need help sleeping. I told her no and fell asleep. They had gotten David a cot set up next to my bed, so he slept, too.
Act IV: Avery Causes Drama
We were awakened at 3:15 am by nurses flipping me over. While I was sleeping, Avery’s heart had decelerated again. Lori came in and told us gently, but firmly, that this was not safe for Avery, and if it continued, we could not let labor go on. There was a real possibility we would have a C-section. We decided to let Avery try a bit longer, but we would turn off the pitocin to let him rest. Lori also broke my water and put an internal fetal monitor on Avery’s scalp so we could monitor his heart more closely. When the nurses would flip me over, the external monitors were slipping around and we were losing his heart beat. The internal monitor would eliminate that. With my epidural, I did not feel that monitor go in, and that made me much more comfortable. Lori told me I was 6 cm dilated, and that Avery was actually descended lower than I was dilated. He was trying to get out! She said that meant he would have a pretty great cone head when he was born.
I tried to rest some more, but it seemed every time I got relaxed, Avery would have a decel, and people would come in to flip me over and over. Around 5:00 we signed consent to have a C-section. David and I were not happy about the idea of surgery, but even though I wasn’t happy, I was peaceful. I knew exactly why a C-section was necessary, and I felt confident that it was the best thing to do. We had been patient and tried to let Avery do better on his own, but now we needed to take action. Our poor family in the waiting room had been concerned for us. We had tried to give them as much information as we could, but things were happening quickly and we didn’t always have time for David to keep them current. So at 5:00 when we had consented to the C-section, they came in to give us hugs. They all seemed sad, or at least thought I was sad, since this had not been what we wanted. But I tried to express that we knew it was best for Avery, so I felt like it was the right thing to do. It wasn’t what we planned, but it was what we needed.
The nurses gave me a hat, and David an OR outfit. He put on the shoe covers. The surgical team came in to meet us and talk to us about the procedure. We were told Lori would come in with us. She had no official job in the operating room, except to be with us and support us. That made me feel so much better. She would be there and tell me what was going on, and help everything seem less scary. They told us they could put up a sheet with a window so I could see what was happening, but it seemed like I wouldn’t be able to have the skin to skin time immediately after birth that I wanted.
I was a little sad about that, but I remembered when Jovi was born. Leif had brought her to the nursery and we had all gathered around the window looking at her. It was such a sweet, joyful time! I felt happy knowing my family could have that experience. The last thing they told us was that a couple had come in with a breech baby, and that they needed to get them into surgery first. Then it would be our turn.
David and I talked a little. We were feeling the same. Not excited about surgery, but understanding it was best. I tried to rest, and David texted our families to tell them we were still waiting to go back. At some point we (me and my Dad) had texted some friends to tell them a C-section seemed imminent, and to pray that Avery’s heart would buck up and that he would be strong enough for labor. Well, as I tried to rest, our prayers were answered! Avery’s heart had been decellerating with each contraction, but now it was beginning to go up during contractions! That was exactly what the midwife and nurses wanted to see! They came in, and I expected them to tell us it was time for surgery, but instead they told me that Avery seemed to be cooperating, at last! There was no need for a c-section if his heart was so strong.
It was almost time for the shift change, so Lori told us the new midwife would check my progress and we would make a decision from there. She seemed so happy for us, and she came back in right before she left to tell us she was sorry it had been a scary night. I told her she had really helped it not be too scary. Keeping us informed and her patience had really made me feel at ease.
When we asked who the new midwife coming in would be, I was so excited! It was Bethany! She was one of the midwives I had prayed would be with us. I met Bethany at a conference for Fearless Birth in Murfreesboro the day I found out I was pregnant. I had seen her in the office one other time, and had felt very good about our connection. She has a great, quiet energy about her. The way she explains things is thorough, and I feel like she is very knowledgable. I just love her! We also got a new nurse, Aspen. She wore a bandana tied in her hair like Rosie the Riveter, and I regret not asking her how she did it. Aspen was super sweet, and calm. I loved her and Bethany, and they were such a great team!
Bethany came into our room after the shift change at 7:00 and said, “We’ve been fooling around all night. It’s time to have a “moment of truth””. We decided to turn the pitocin back on. If Avery was ok, we would proceed and as soon as I was dilated to 10 start pushing. If he started to decel again, we would go straight to a C-section. I agreed. Avery had been doing well for about an hour, and we needed to know if he could endure big contractions to get him ready for pushing. The pitocin was turned back on for around 40 minutes and I went from 6 cm to 10 cm! Bethany was very pleased and told me that was not just the drugs, but that my body was ready. We decided I would rest for about an hour and then start pushing. We were excited! Things were finally going forward and everything was good!
I decided I wanted to put a movie on while I was resting so I could just doze and watch the movie. So David and I started looking through all the movies on the hospital TV. We chose WallE and I settled in to rest. Then, all of a sudden, Bethany and Aspen rushed into my room. Bethany came straight to me and got close to my face. She told me that a lot of people were about to come into our room. Apparently Avery’s heart had a big decel, and that had set off an alarm to all of the hospital staff to come in to help! My midwife and nurses, the surgical team, the nursery team and the NICU team all ran in! One of them was a guy with a British accent who told me “Your baby is causing a lot of drama!” So of course I wanted to start asking him where he was from, but it was not the time. Someone told me they were giving me a shot in my arm to stop my contractions and that it would sting. I remember wanting to say, “Shots make me nervous.” but that seemed like I stupid thing to do in an emergency. So I just nodded.
The nurses flipped me over a few times and Avery was ok. Then one of the OBGYN’s did an exam. She told me that they would go ahead and let me push since I was dilated to 10, but if Avery did that again, she would come in with forceps (basically salad tongs) and get him out. She wanted us to understand the procedure with forceps and meet her, so if she came in during an emergency we would know what was happening. We agreed to that plan.
During the exam, she said, “This baby has floppy ears.” “You are touching my baby’s ear right now?!” I replied. I was amazed and a little weirded out. She told me she was trying to determine which way his head was turned and feeling his ears usually would tell her. But Avery’s ears were so floppy it was hard to tell. She finally figured out his head was turned to the left. She wanted him to turn face down as he moved down farther. She had all the information she needed. She told us she hoped she would not have to come back, but if she did she would pull him out quickly. Then everyone left our room and we were able to rest.
We didn’t know until later that our families in the waiting room had seen the entire hospital staff run into our room. And it really scared them! Sorry guys!! See, it was really my fault that Avery had a big decel. Earlier during the morning I had figured out that when I heard his heart monitor slow down, if I would wiggle just right and breathe deeply from my oxygen mask, then his heart would go back up! David was watching the monitors, and got really good at reading them. So I would hear Avery’s heart slow down and I would wiggle and suck in the oxygen from my mask in just this particular way. Then David would tell me when his heart was good again. I had done this religiously (superstitiously?) since we thought we were going into surgery. It made me feel productive, like I was helping Avery. I know it probably had nothing to do with anything, and I knew it then, too, but it felt good to have a ritual. Anyway, I forgot all about it in the happiness of being told we could push, and picking the movie… So that’s when he had the big decel and everyone and a British guy came in to help us and it scared my mom to death.
Act V: Avery Arrives
We continued the plan to rest. David ate breakfast, I dozed on and off, and our families came in to talk to us. It was nice and calm. Then a bit more than an hour later Bethany came in and asked if I wanted to push. Very casual- like, “Hey, want to push? See if a baby comes out?” So at 10:15 I started pushing. I had read all about “breathing the baby out”. Working with your body’s contractions to ease baby into the world. I was all about it! I did not get to do it at all! That was not going to work for us for two reasons. 1- I could not feel what my body was doing due to my fabulous drugs. I did let the epidural wear off during pushing, so at the end I could feel contractions. But in the beginning, I was not feeling anything. 2- I had been told at my first exam by my primary midwife, Annie, that I have a narrow pelvic arch so pushing would be difficult. She recommended I push on my side or even on all fours. Again, when you can’t move your legs, its difficult to do that… So Aspen propped me up on my side with all these pillows, but I think by the end I was just lying on my back. Nothing like what I had imagined!
So pushing began and Bethany told me she would tell me when a contraction was happening and I was supposed to push as hard as I could for 3 good long pushes. Aspen would count each time and tell me when to stop. Then we would wait for another contraction. After the first set of pushes, Bethany and Aspen were excited because they could already see Avery’s hair! I remember Bethany telling me, “Oh yeah, you are going to push this baby out all on your own- no problem!” I was excited, too! Then we decided I wanted the mirror. They have a big mirror so that moms can see how productive their pushing is. I was nervous to have it because I thought it might cause David to puke, or pass out, or both. So I asked him if he thought it would be ok, and he said yes! What? Where was my everything-medical-makes-me-nauseous husband? Who was this brave birth coach guy? I was so in love with him right then. Yes- that is weird. I know. But he supported me perfectly when I needed it most and that meant everything to me.
So we got the mirror in place, and it was so cool. It was also gross and kinda weird, but mostly cool. I asked Bethany how long it usually took ladies with epidurals to push. She said it varies, but they usually don’t allow pushing past three hours. So we texted our families and told them that Avery would be here in 3 hours or sooner. My contractions were 5 minutes apart, so I would push, push, push then lay back and breathe in my oxygen mask and rest. I got some ice chips, and I was allowed to drink my Life Water again (when they thought I was having a C-section they told me not to drink anymore, but since we were past that I could have liquids). They got a cool cloth for my head and that was really nice, too. So I pushed for an hour and as far as I could tell, nothing was happening. I asked Bethany about it. She kept telling me we were making great progress, but I was worried because of the three hour limit. She told me not to look at the clock, and not worry about it. She was sure I could push him out just fine. So I trusted her, and did not look at the clock anymore. Very unlike me, but a very good decision.
I ended up pushing for all of the three hour time limit! Now when I say “I pushed for three hours.” most people are sympathetic and tell me how tough I must be. Well, it wasn’t really that intense. Shhh. Don’t tell. I want everyone to keep thinking I’m tough. But I would push three times, then rest for five minutes until the next contraction. At first I just chatted with Aspen and Bethany and David. We talked about how awesome my Barre class was for preparing me for labor, and we talked about Bethany’s son and his birth. We just talked like friends hanging out. Except every five minutes those friends would hoist my legs up and I would try to push a baby out of me. David ended up getting in on the action, too, as the human stirrup. He was so encouraging, and offered me ice chips and my cool cloth after each push.
About half way through, the “purple pushing” as it is called was taking a bit of a toll. I felt like the blood vessels in my eyes were going to pop. I asked if that ever happened- or at least I thought that is what I asked. David says I asked if anyone’s head ever exploded from pushing… 2 and a half hours in, Avery started the labor dance where his head would come out a bit, and then retract back in. It was pretty frustrating to watch, but I knew it would happen thanks to our wonderful birth class. I understood it was good for Avery and me for him to ease out this way. But it was so annoying!
Then I started feeling pressure. Like crazy, insane pressure. It didn’t hurt, but it did make me anxious, because I knew my body could not take that for very long. That went on for around 30 minutes, and we were just past the 3 hour mark! It was time for Avery to come on out! He was so close! Bethany suggested that an episiotomy would help things because we did need Avery to get out. I was terrified, but I agreed. I did not want that, at all! Then I panicked. By this time my epidural had worn off enough that I could feel contractions pretty well. I knew that if I could push him out, I wouldn’t have to worry about the episiotomy. At the next contraction I pushed and decided I would just not stop pushing. It took all of my energy, stubbornness, and endurance, but it worked!! I heard Aspen and Bethany talking really excitedly so I opened my eyes and I saw Bethany pulling Avery out! He was here! At 1:19 pm on November 25, 2014. 18 hours after we had been admitted to the hospital and a total of 28 hours since Nikki and I had arrived in Nashville.
A few other people had gathered in the room to take care of him and an extra nurse or two to help Aspen and Bethany with me. Someone was holding Avery and making sure he was ok, encouraging him to cry by rubbing his feet, and he did! His little voice was deep and he sounded like a bleating sheep! They laid him on my belly to clean him up a bit and he felt so squishy and soft, he looked very white. He got an 8 on his first Apgar score because he had no color! Then they handed him to me. He was crying and screaming so loud. When they handed him to me, his little arms reached out big like, “Mama hold me!” it was the sweetest thing I ever saw! He loved me already, and I fell in love with him. I was crying, David was crying, everyone was so happy! He was finally here and healthy. Our sweet baby boy.
Our room was busier than ever with nurses caring for me (delivering the placenta and giving me stitches) and after a while nurses started caring for Avery, too. I don’t really remember much of what they did, I just remember holding him and David and I staring at him. David took a picture of me holding him and sent it to our families, but I think they had overheard a nurse say he was born before we got around to that… Sorry again, family! David also took a video of me holding him and looking at his floppy ears. He was just so sweet.
A while later our family started coming in to see him! They were all very excited and there were lots of happy tears. I got to surprise my Dad and tell him we were naming the baby John Avery. He was surprised and said “You’re kidding?!” He was so proud. Nikki and David watched while the nurses weighed and measured Avery in our room. Nikki took about a million pictures, so even though I didn’t see it happen, I saw all the photos. I rested and finally got to eat some graham crackers and drink some juice. I was really tired and hungry! But I was also so, so happy. Happy that he was here, and happy that the birth had been exactly what we needed. Not necessarily what I envisioned, but perfect nonetheless.
Later after they had moved us into our postpartum room I began to write down everything that had happened. Before I got married, my friend Holly Toehill told me to write down everything about the wedding as soon as I could because I would forget things if I didn’t. It was great advice and I wanted to remember everything about Avery’s birth story. God had been so faithful to us, even though his birth was so different than I had thought it would be. I had felt completely taken care of and (mostly) calm and peaceful through everything. It was a wonderful experience and I wouldn’t change one thing! Here are the moments where I really saw God’s hand the most:
- The misplaced IV that morning and Linda the midwife insisting that we be patient. That was exactly what I wanted from the staff, patience so that we could make decisions calmly.
- The doctors wouldn’t let us go home without an ultrasound. Without that terrible ultrasound we wouldn’t have known my amniotic fluid was low and that Avery needed to be born quickly.
- All the staff who worked with us were sweet, kind, and calm. We could instantly tell they cared about us and wanted to do what was best for our family. Aspen and Rachel, especially! Nurses are amazing! And really strong (Aspen lifted my deadweight leg about 1000 times during pushing..)
- Around the time I got woken up by nurses flipping me over because Avery’s heart was decelerating, my good friend Kirby got woken up by the urge to pray for us. We had so many people lifting us up during labor! Thank you, friends!
- All of the drug worked without any side effects!
- The couple who came in with a breech baby and needed to go into the OR before us gave Avery time to perk up.
- After we asked for prayers for Avery’s heart to perk up, it did! We were able to avoid a C-section.
- Bethany was one of the midwives I really wanted to work with, and she was our perfect helper during delivery! She was patient and encouraging the entire way. She did not leave my side through 3 hours of pushing! I truly felt like I was her only patient that day. It was incredible. I met her the day I found out I was pregnant, and she was the one to deliver him.
There were lots of other ways God pieced this story together, but I’m going to end the story here. Our baby was healthy and so was I. We got to experience the miracle of life. We were asked to trust that God would provide, and he did. He is so faithful to his children. We are always given exactly what we need. It was not in any way what we had imagined. I didn’t get to labor in a tub, or dance around to “Shake It Off” in the hospital, or bake goodies for the nurses, and Avery was not born while the song “Circle of Life” was played magically at the perfect moment… But the story that did happen was perfect. Much better than all I had asked or imagined. And we are forever grateful.
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17
