David and I have now been together for 7 years! When he reminded me of this the other day, it sent my mind reeling. Seven years. It seems like forever and it seems like no time at all. I wanted to share my thoughts about what our relationship has meant to me, and when I tried, it all sounded really un-romantic. My purpose is not to reject romance, because romance is beautiful and important. But, its just not all there is to it... See, with romance, there is also death. Yes, death. That is what I need to talk about today.
When we entered into this marriage bond, we both saw it as a reflection of Jesus' relationship with his people. The unconditional love, the passion, the commitment, and (oh yeah) the death. Jesus had to die for us to live, and that is a pretty important part of his relationship with us. And, we have found, in marriage, we also have to die. Its part of us looking like Jesus to each other, and part of God making us more holy.
It turns out holiness is the point of marriage... Not happiness... (Disney, you tricked me!) God gives us the relationship of marriage to become more holy, that is to say, more like Him. More set apart. More Kingdom, less earth. When happiness is the goal, if I'm not happy, something is wrong with my marriage. If the point of being married is to be happy, and your spouse is not making you happy, then marriage obviously doesn't work. So divorce, and try again. Surely someone new will make you happy and the marriage will work. If holiness is the goal of marriage, then happiness is not in the forefront, becoming like God (who is love) is what its all about. And if you will recall, Love is patient, kind, forgiving, humble, polite, generous, persistent, and strong (my paraphrase of 1 Cor 13). When I am becoming Love, I am not serving myself, I am serving my husband and God. I die to myself, to become love.
Dying is hard work... Well, it shouldn't really be hard work because I'm already dead, but I make it hard. When I am asked to do something I don't want to do, it is hard to show generosity instead of grumbling. When I am tired and we cannot agree, it is hard to be polite instead of shouting smart remarks. When I am hurt, it is not easy to forgive. But God is faithful in giving me everything I need to do those things! The Spirit makes me more forgiving, more generous, and more patient. We are being transformed.
So, I am so happy that for seven years I have gotten to lean on God to help me forgive. That I have gotten to see the power of kindness and how it can transform a life. For seven years I've had the opportunity to become stronger and more persistent in love. Its been beautiful to receive love from someone who is so committed to being more Christlike.
That is what I want to say. Thanks, husband of mine, for giving me practice at being patient. But no one wants to read that on an anniversary card... Its very unromantic. But I am grateful that we have worked together and relied on God to change us. I want to celebrate that! And we do make each other happy. So much of my joy comes from hearing David sing/make weird noises, or watching him laugh, or hearing his thoughts. But our gauge of whether or not our marriage is successful is not how happy we are at any given moment. Our focus is on leaning on each other and on God to become who he wants us to be. And that is beautiful to me.
**some clarifications** I am nervous to hit "Publish" because I know that women may read this and think its garbage that I want to serve my husband. But I do. I want to be a servant because Jesus was a servant, and that was precious. My husband is not my boss, he is my partner. He is my friend and my love and I want him to feel respected. I have both a brain and a backbone and they are not in jeopardy when I choose to love my husband by letting him be first.
Also- we are still new in marriage, and still learning every day. We are not perfect. We struggle. Sometimes we do not rely on God and we screw things up. Sometimes we are jerks. But we promised each other we would give our relationship our best. So when we are stupid, we try to admit it and fix it, and keep each other accountable for being better. We are a work in progress.
